Lost forever

My whole working life revolves around writing. I started writing seriously around 1997. And I have dabbled in academic, journalistic and creative writing.

I have written more than 150 articles for newspapers, magazines and academic journals - both local and international.

I have written more than 100 academic working papers - both local and international.

I have written two novels published in 2007 and 2008.

I have written three unpublished short stories.

I have written a script for a television drama which won second place in a national script writing competition in 2007.

I have written a master's thesis.

I am currently writing a memoir - Fikri's to be exact, entitled "Echoes of My Heart". The writing process is nearly completed.

I am currently writing two novels. Both are halfway done.

I am also currently writing my doctorate thesis. The introduction and literature review have been completed.

And all these are stored in my laptop and backed up in my pendrive.

Last week, my laptop crashed, and apparently there is no way to retrieve the files. Yesterday, I lost my pendrive containing all those I listed above plus some other equally important files. The pendrive must have been lost while I was outside the office. I retraced my tracks to no avail.

More than ten years worth of work gone just like that. God knows how many hours and sleepless nights were spent writing all those things. Heck, the thrust of what I do for a living is writing. And they are all gone.

Doubtless I have some of those lost in hard copies or stored online in websites. I can retrieve those easily or scanned them again. It will take time, but it is something doable.

But those that have yet to be published and those that I did not have hard copies (because the writing process is still on-going) - they are lost... forever.

Fikri's memoir. The two novels. The three short stories. The television script. My PhD thesis.

Imagine having to rewrite those that cannot be retrieved. I have no choice but to rewrite these, but the end result will be different. The rewriting process will be more difficult. And I have no idea when I can begin because currently I am just not so in the mood to redo what I have done.

Ten years of work now gone.

I feel like a big part of me is lost forever.